Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
