I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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