I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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