Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
