If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
