It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
