If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
