i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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