can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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