i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
