NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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