In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
