apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
