i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
