is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
