You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
