I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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