Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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