she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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