well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
