you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
