new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
