My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
