what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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