there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
