So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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