Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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