You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
