it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's Friday. Sex?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
