I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
