he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You are a genius and a whore.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
