girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
