Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
