They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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