Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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