Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
