I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
