she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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