Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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