Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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