Welp...herpes.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
