This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
