Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
