Soap is not a condiment
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
