friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
