The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
