Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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