I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
