I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
