the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
