i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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