so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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